I was surfing channels and came across "Land of the Dead". I checked the summary on the guide and then thumbed "ok" on my remote.
Essentially, the synopsis of the movie was, "Intelligent zombies 'evolving' and threatening a city, while a rich tycoon holds safety hostage for money and power." I haven't gotten the wording entirely right, but the skeleton of the thing is correct (yeah, totally on purpose); "zombies were evolving". And this made me think, "You idiots. How the hell can a zombie EVOLVE?"
And I thought of little zombie men and a little zombie women having little zombie babies which would grow up to be smarter than their parents, then having more zombie children that were smarter than THEY were and so on. And evolution isn't a short process people. And I laughed at the moron that would make a movie like that.
And I didn't actually watch the movie, but then it occurred to me. . . Why is that any more ridiculous than the idea of zombies in the first place? If anything it's LESS ridiculous. It was one of those nerd-recognition moments where I was able to leave my body and dispassionately observe past me, laughing at the audacity of some movie company for taking zombies and turning them into something that was impossible and recognize myself as the true moron.
It reminded me of a conversation my wife had with my mother-in-law. I wasn't there, but Leslie told me about it later.
"Mom, you guys should watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's fun, and funny. Jim and I watch it all the time."
"Oh, Leslie, I tried watching it one night. I just couldn't believe they were trying to pass the cast off as high school kids."
And Leslie looked at her silently for a minute and said, "Really? That's the part that you couldn't buy into? The vampires and stuff you made your peace with, but just couldn't suspend disbelief long enough to buy Sarah Michelle Geller as a Junior in High School?"
It's like that.
In writing this post I couldn't remember the name of the movie, but I looked it up because I remembered Simon Baker was in it, and the blurb on IMDB and HBO and anywhere else I cared to look said nothing about zombie evolution. . . just that the zombies learned. Which I guess means it wasn't the movie makers I thought I was laughing at anyway, but the people who do Xfinity's guide listings. Morons.
This is the first and probably only blog post you'll ever read where I compare myself to my mother-in-law.