Search This Blog

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I Done Been Tagged: Re-Re-Updated

Longest blog EVER

Jaime at It's So Fuzzy tagged me in a blog she wrote responding to a blog someone ELSE wrote tagging her.  In the blogosphere this is called a goddamn chain letter.  But I'm answering it, because Jaime is really nice and also because if I don't answer then a piano will fall on my head or my house will burn down or something, because that's the nature of chain letters.

She actually tagged my other blog, but there will be swearing involved here, and the elderly read that other blog (my mother and father, and in-laws for example) and although I swear there. . . this will be more concentrated.  They haven't built up enough immunity to my swearing that they could handle this dose.

So, without further adieu, Jaime's questions for me (and 9 other lucky recipients):   And then, in the midst of making my answers. . . Jennifer at Just Jennifer tagged me with HER questions which, of course, couldn't POSSIBLY be the same questions.  This will be the longest tag meme blog post EVER!!!

Jaime's Questions:

1)  If you had the choice to know when you were going to die or not to know, what would you choose?
I don't wanna know.  Jesus, I get nervous enough just preparing for a meeting I know is coming up. . . how much worse would my death be.  I mean, on the plus side, maybe I'd get my shit prepared. . . start cramming for the final, if you will.  But let's face it, those people are insufferable assholes.  So yeah, just. . . kill me, universe, but don't tell me about it.

2)  What is the one food you could not live without eating ever again?
This is an important question with far-reaching ramifications.  While I love sushi, lobster, chinese food, etc. . . I can see myself living a long and relatively happy life never eating any of them again.  But could I exist in a world without pizza?  I . . . I just don't know.  The importance of this question leaps out at you when you observe the worst case scenario. . . apocalypse.  I'm the last man alive.  In this scenario, what food would I actually NOT be able to make myself?  Pizza.  I don't know how to fucking mill flour.  I don't know how to make cheese.  I'm not the goddamn professor from Gilligan's Island, but even if I figured out how to gin up a pizza oven. . . I'm shy two enormous ingredients before we even begin to talk "yeast".  My point is. . . If I can't live without pizza. . . and I'm living in a world without it. . . I could save myself a lot of suffering by just ending it all.  (alternatively, I could learn to mill flour, culture yeast, and make cheese. . . so yeah, death).

3)  Where is the one place you most want to visit on the planet and why?  
A flour mill, so I don't have to die at the apocalypse.

4)  How many times a day do you say a swear word?  

5)  What is the most absurd phobia you have and why?.
I fear the apocalypse.  Because I don't know how to create a pizza in the wild.
Honestly though. . . roller coasters/amusement park rides.  I rode the lamest most ridiculous roller coaster at Kennywood (local amusement park) after years of badgering by my wife.  It was the roller coaster that toddlers learn on.  At the end of the ride, my wife had to pry my fingers from the little car we were in.  She said, "I'll never force you to ride again."  Children were pointing at me and laughing.

6)  If all A’s are B’s. Not B, therefore not A. How does this relate to the greatness of cheese?  They are unrelated.  A = B, Cheese = Greatness.  It is assumed that A not equal Cheese, therefore B not equal to Cheese because if A=Cheese, then NOT A. . . then Cheese would NOT equal greatness, which is absurd.  B and A have no impact on Cheese = Greatness.  

7)  If you could go back in time and undo one event, what would it be and why?

8)  A frat boy, a cougar and a priest all walk into a bar. Which do you make fun of first?
As a former frat boy (we prefer the term "fraternity man") I wouldn't mock him.  Cougars have claws.  So we'll go with the priest.  What the hell's he doing in the bar anyway?  I would totally try to get him to eat a slice of bread in less than 30 seconds for a pitcher of beer.  Seems easy, doesn't it, Father??  Pray for guidance, bitch, you owe me a pitcher!

9)  Fried or deep fried?  
I like my food like I like my women. . . deep. . . and um. . . fried.  That analogy doesn't really work does it?

10)  Who are some blogs you would recommend we read cuz you think they are hilarious/awesome/inspiring/etc?
The answer to this. . . after the break.  Okay, I just wanted to say that.  I'll tag a few people and that will be my answer to this question.  After I answer Jennifer's questions!

Jennifer's Questions:

1. When you're in a bad mood, what will, without fail, always cheer you up?  
Sorry, this is going to be all lame and dad-like, but the giggles and laughter of my children can lift my spirits at all times.  They're ridiculous little joy machines pumping out good feelings and rainbows when they're not in trouble.

2. What would your dream house look like?
First of all, it would have an entire room underwater. . . like this:
 maybe not that exact room, but ever since I was a kid I dreamed about having 1)  an underwater room, or even a whole series of rooms underwater, and also an upside down room.  I mean, as long as it's a "dream". . . that means I have "dream money" right?  Anyway. . . I could go on, but what's the point.  I'd also like an underwater room that's not a SUBMERGED underwater room, just a room that's underwater, like this:
There are so many other things that I'd like in my dream house. . . for starters, it should be a castle, but warmer, and I don't want straw floors.  There should be an ENORMOUS library filled with books, like the one in Beauty and the Beast, or this:
And of course an awesome reading nook, like maybe a cupola or sun room or something that you have to climb stairs to reach that is completely surrounded by windows and sunlight and the chairs are a cushioned bench where that wraps around it, and there's a trap door and you can lock it from inside the room so people downstairs can't get in.  

Oh, and also it should have a safe room with lots of monitors and machines that go "PING" and I should be able to push a button and metal shutters will cover the windows and machine gun turrets will pop out so I can defend my family, because this is totally on my own private island, and . . . hello PIRATES!!  

Possibly I got a little carried away answering this one.

3. Obviously you love blogging, but is there anything about it you don't like? Be honest.
Hm.  I don't like not getting comments.  I don't like when I comment and don't get replies.  But apart from that, it fits me pretty well.

4. What do you think your life would look like if you had made a different decision than the one that led you to where you are today?
Let's see.  I'd be lonely and a bit depressed and have lots of money, but no love.

5. What would your death row last meal be?
Hm.  Sushi's my favorite.  I'd have the guy from Umi come over and whip up his special 7 course tasting. . . fantastic!

6. Facebook or Twitter? Why?
Really didn't like facebook.  After two years I deleted it.  My real world friends weren't really using it to communicate. . . just. . . collect old friends.  Everyone had a big collection of friends and none of them talked to each other.  Twitter is much more friendly.  I need the instant gratification, I guess.

7. Coke or Pepsi? Why?
Pepsi.  It's always been pepsi.  it's like if you're born in Saudi Arabia, and your parents are Muslim, you're probably Muslim.  If you're born in Alabama and your parents are baptist, you're probably Baptist.  Same thing with Coke and Pepsi.  I was born in Montana to a pair of Pepsi drinkers.  Coke tastes funny to me.  

8. Name something you don't think you've ever blogged about.
Pfft. . . I've never ever blogged about soooo many things.  But in general I shy away from topics that are too polarizing:  politics, religion.  I'm not afraid of them. . . I just like to keep things light.  

9. Besides where you currently live, where else do you think you'd like to live?
Near the ocean, near the mountains, in the tropics.  Insert me anywhere. . . I'd be happy.  I'd love to live in Europe, all that rich history. . . I'd love to live in Fiji right on the lagoon. . . aqua blue water lapping the shores. . . or in Montana in the shadow of a mountain, skiing in the winter, hiking in the summer.  I love how green Pennsylvania is. . . but I could find home about anywhere except maybe the plains.

10. Not considering kids or money or anything practical, what car would you like to own?
I like cars with gadgets.  So maybe that car Roger Moore drove in "The Spy Who Loved Me". . . update with GPS and Internet and other gadgets for modern day use, of course.

11. What is your customary order at Starbucks?
During the winter months, it's the pumpkin spice latte. . . all other times it's Caffe Americano.  Size varies.

And then. . . AND THEN she says I have to post 11 things about myself.  This meme is PAINFUL so I'm only posting five.  What are you going to do about it, Jen?  Huh?  Call the meme police???:

1.  I'm agnostic, the fence-sitting 'religion'
2.  I'm allergic to cats and dogs.  I love them. . . just can't have them.
3.  Every male on my father's side of the family has a cowlick on the right side of his forehead.  It's like a family trait.  
4.  I'm a fearful flyer
5.  Other. . . things.

Okay. . . and who to tag. . . who to tag. . . 

I tag nobody.  BUT. . . I'll name a few bloggers I enjoy reading (whether they know it or not) who don't seem to be in the same blogger groups I am (namely, primarily special needs or parents blogging).  For this post I'll pick "Book Blogs"

(In no particular order)
1.  Lucy's Football:  Amy's site isn't strictly speaking a "book blog", but she covers books, theater, slice of life. . . she's like the fun smart girl you were friends with in college who never stopped talking and never ran out of energy.  That's how she writes. . . funny and literate and energetic.  She's also amazingly supportive of the blogs she reads and her tweeps.
2.  Insatiable Book Sluts:  I haven't fully explored this site yet. . . but it's all about books and writing and what makes good books good and what makes bad books bad. . . and fun stuff like what literary characters you'd like to punch in the face.  Amy introduced me. . . there are multiple contributors, and to be honest, I never know who I'm talking to when I comment, but mostly I think it's greengeekgirl on twitter.  Good people one and all, regardless.
3.  Deborah Jackson's Blog:  You know, for a fiction author she has like THE least imaginative blog title EVER.  But she's an author.  She auths.  I haven't read her books (yet) but I enjoy her blog.  She's doesn't post a lot to it, but I like reading her posts when she does.  She's also amazingly supportive of friends' blog posts on twitter and retweets the hell out of me all the time without me even having to bully her.

oh my god. . . i feel so drained.

But. . . THEN JACQUI at Chicktuition tagged me!  And so let me take a minute to say something.  It IS flattering to be tagged.  I actually like being tagged a little.  People are thinking of me, and that makes me happy.  So even though I bitch about having to answer the ridiculous questions, I think in my heart of hearts I'd rather answer them, then never get asked.  I'm still going to bitch about it though.

1. What is one thing people might be surprised to learn about you?
Hmm.  I don't know if people know I graduated with a degree in Chemical Engineering.  I think they'd find it surprising because I seem like such a dumbass and Chem E's are typically bright.

2. Which three movies would you want with you if you were stranded on a desert island?
I'd have to go with Grosse Pointe Blank, The Madness of King George, and O' Brother Where Art Thou?  Or porn.

3. Which three books would you want with you if you were stranded on a desert island?
If I was stranded on a desert island there'd be no reason not to slog through Ulysses.  So one book would be that, for sure.  I mean, I could probably reread it a few times and "get" it.  Then maybe a couple favorites. . . To Kill a Mockingbird, The Road, or maybe something lighter. . . Harry Potter, Game of Thrones.  Go with the classics.  I'd hate to die alone AND ignorant.

4. If you could only eat one food for a whole week…what would it be?
Chinese food.  I could (and have) eaten Chinese food five out of 7 days of the week.  Love it.

5. If your life was a reality show…what would the name of the show be?
"According to Jim" or alternatively "Jesus Christ this Show is Boring"

6. Name one thing you hope to accomplish this year.
Losing 15 pounds is in my sights right now. . . so I'll say write a book.  or continue writing it.  I started one for Emma two years ago and stopped after about 100 pages. . . seeing the end in sight about 600 pages away seemed daunting.

7. What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen?
Well. . . it's relative.  I watched Yellowbeard in junior high and thought it was THE FUNNIEST MOVIE EVER!!!  Then I got to college and was dating this upper classman who liked Mel Brooks.  I said, "You have got to see this movie.  HILARIOUS"  It was awful.  She thought I was a dumbass after that.  I love me some Monty Python's "Holy Grail".  It's been a while since I've seen it, but some of it really makes me laugh.

8. If your relationship was a movie…what would it be called?
"Best Friends"

9. Shower or bath?

10. Describe your perfect day.
This makes me think of the sponge bob song "Best Day Ever".  Lots to describe here.  How about this.  No expectations, no plans.  The kids are happy and well-behaved. . . not bored, not getting into anything.  I have an hour or so to myself to read a little, guilt free, a little time to write or to work out, then some play time with the kids. . . on a winter day out in the snow, sledding with them, or building a snowman, then a nice dinner with the family, maybe a movie and popcorn, and the rest of the evening with my wife.

11. Who is your favorite character in a movie? Why?
Immediately all these movies swarm in and out of my head.  Very hard to pick.  I don't know that I have a "favorite" anything.  But I love Martin Blank in Grosse Pointe Blank.  Just a guy searching for answers who kicks ass, is in a hopeless love relationship, and has great dialog.

And then I was done.  And I breathed a sigh of relief because I'd answered all the crazy, ridiculous, random questions that anyone could think of. . . for that particular day.  Because on the following day (today), Roxanne at Unintentionally-Brilliant tagged me with THESE gems:

1. Why the hell did your parents give you that name?
Because I wasn't born a girl.  My parents told me they fully intended to name me Jennifer if I'd been born female.  James was apparently in second place.  My middle name, Adam, came from my mother's first husband's father. . . no relation.  For years I thought I'd been named after my great grandfather (Adam) only to find out. . . maybe two years ago (when he passed away) that it came from the father of a guy my mom divorced before marrying my dad.  I guess he was a pretty good guy.  I met him once.  He seemed nice.

2. Is there a song with your name in it that everyone sings as if you’ve never heard the song before? Is it sung by Sting? What about Ewan Macgregor? That’s what I thought.

You Don't Mess Around With Jim by Jim Croce
Are You Jimmy Ray - by Jimmy Ray
Jimmy Loves Mary-Anne by The Looking Glass
Go Jimmy Go by Jimmy Clanton
Jimmy Mack by Martha Reeves & The Vandellas
I Wanna Love Him So Bad by The Jelly Beans....
Contains the line "I know his name, his name Is "Jim". I can't be blamed for loving him".
Jim Dandy by Laverne Baker
Jim Dandy by Black Oak Arkansas (same song) (1974)
Oh Jim by Lou Reed
Jim (sung by Billie Holiday)
(Thank you Wiki Answers)

Nobody sings to me.

3. What was your first job? Why did you ever leave?
My first job EVER was mowing the lawn where my dad worked.  Why did I leave?  Because I turned 13. . . you can't mow lawns forever you know.

4. Have you bought a copy of Barcode yet? Why the hell not?
I. . . I haven't.  There are several good reasons why I have not bought my copy of Barcode yet:
a)  I've never heard of it
b)  I have a reading queue a mile long already
c)  I mostly pick up new books via the library. . . on audio.  That way I can kill the boredom of my commute and "read" at the same time.  If Barcode is on audio, I'd totally listen.  Is this related to the fiction works I've seen on your page regarding the man with the barcode tattoo?

5. Isn’t Handflapper one of the most beautiful women on the Twitter? The orange shirt and martini glass really bring out the red in her lips.
I have not seen all of the women on twitter yet.  It is my goal. . . but until that time, I shall reserve judgement.  Certainly she's one of the most beautiful women on twitter that I've seen "to date".  The hair. . .

6. How many is too many when it comes to browser tabs?
I usually go to my blog dash and open each new post in its own tab.  I typically stop at about 15.  I usually have at least four open at all times.

7. Can you name any Jeremy London movies without looking it up? (Mallrats doesn’t count. That just proves you read this post.)
I actually didn't SEE Mallrats, and after IMDB'ing the man. . . the short answer is "no".

8. What is one stereotype people usually associate with you? Is it true?
Engineer:  Humorless/No creativity/good with numbers and math. . . . DEAD ON.

9. If you were a tree, what kind of animal would you be?
An Ent.

10. Why do papercuts hurt so damn much?
It's funny you ask.  I JUST gave myself one on the way into a meeting prior to reading this question.  The short answer is. . . because they break your skin and your nerves signal this to your brain.  Or. . . did you mean relative to other cuts.  Paper cuts hurt when they heal for some reason.  I don't get why.  They just sort of itch and sting.  In fact, maybe I should clean this one out. . .

11. What is your all-time favorite book?
Favorite questions are hard for me to answer.  I once took a sales training class.  It was supposed to allow me to better work with the sales people so they would stop "motherfucking" me over the phone and telling management that I was difficult to work with.  One of the discussions during the training was how important it is to figure out what the buyer/decision maker's motivations were.  I swear to Jesus I'm coming back to the question. . . Anyway, there were several categories, power, recognition, respect, etc.  I was motivated by power.  The power category was a group that likes to have lots and lots of options.  It's a group that doesn't like to be dictated to or bossed around, but likes to be given many choices allowing himself to choose the "best".  So I think this is where things get sketchy for me. . . when I pick ONE I eliminate all my other options.  Sometimes I like scifi. . . sometimes hard literature. . . I don't like playing favorites because I feel like all my possibilities and potential collapse and I'm stuck.  So here are a FEW choices:
"The Road" - spare and bleak and dire and at times amazingly poetic.
"To Kill a Mockingbird" - great story, great message, great writing
"All the King's Men" - poetry made prose.  A bit wordy at times, but still a great book
"Harry Potter" - a child's gateway drug to high literature.
"The Lord of the Rings Trilogy" - Not my favorite fantasy genre series, but the plinth upon which the entire genre's column rests.


  1. I am super impressed by the swear chart.

  2. i never thought of wanting an underground room before, but since, in my dream house, my pool would be cleaned with oxygen instead of chlorine, it would be nice for the inside of the pool to be interesting - and i do love that room, too. you could have lighting pouring through the 'windows'. it would be lovely.

    i am excited that you imagine having an upside down room, too. i never thought to tell anyone this before, but in my old flat i used to look up at the ceiling all the time and imagine it was the floor. there was something about the idea of climbing over the bit of wall above/below the doors that interested me.

    you were very brave to do the meme. now breathe.

    1. *inhales deeply*. . . *exhales slowly*

      Thank you.

  3. PING!!! And I'd take your dream house, especially the reading nook. Except you missed having secret room that can only be entered via a bookcase or wardrobe or picture frame. I mean, seriously. What house would be complete without that????

    1. SHIT!! That is SO TRUE!! Add that immediately.

      Also, when it's built?. . . the builders are all murdered so only *I* know of the room's existence.

  4. I loved your 2nd reality show name. But I'm not sure how many viewers it would attract. And the movie name you chose for you and your wife. And the cool house. Let's just say I love the whole post so I don't take up all your comment section.

    (Also...I forgot I was supposed to write 11 things about me too. Oops!)

  5. Nice answers. So of course I'm convinced they're all lies.

  6. First let me respond to some of your answers:

    Pizza, okay. Sushi? Are you kidding me? (There could be another word inserted there, but I am, first and foremost, a kidlit person, and Big Parents are always watching ;) ) (And little ones too.) (Little parents, I mean.) (Not that size is ever an issue.)

    Taking foot out of mouth and continuing on . . .

    Hmm. Cheese, mills, Gilligan’s Island. I was just thinking about Gilligan’s Island the other day. You remember how they transformed Shakespeare into a song that I can never shake from my mind:

    Never a borrower or a lender be. Do not forget. Stay out of debt. . .

    No I did not buy that pair of shoes. But I digress.

    We have some nice old mills in southern Ontario. Non-functional, I’m afraid.

    I believe # 4. I always get the look from my son, yes, my son, when one slips out. And they’re always accidental, because I love everyone, especially the %*&#$% that cut me off on the freeway.

    Roller coasters? Really? I thrive on them. Or even better: The Tower of Terror! Don’t sit me in those spinning teacups though.

    Love the dream house. It looks so soothing. Might need gills for the first one, though.

    Since you don’t like not getting comments, you’re getting one. A long one. Are you starting to regret you said that???

    Sushi? Are you kidding me? Sorry, still pondering that one.

    How about living in Antarctica? Tucked in between those penguins. We have a nice little place called Polar Bear National Park in the Arctic. How about that? Afraid of the cold, are you? You should be. (Yoda voice.)

    How are you going to get to Fiji or Europe if you don’t fly? The Titantic? Bad choice.

    Thanks for linking to my totally unimaginatively-titled blog. I could use a dozen excuses, like I work all day dreaming up totally imaginative plots and characters, so there are no sparks left in the engine, OR my webmaster set up my blog and embedded it in my website and I still haven’t mastered DW, so I can’t change it, and he never answers my emails because he’s too busy (or just can’t be bothered with my incessant badgering). I could say all those things and more. But the truth is . . . I’m lazy. Enough said.

    And I don’t post very often because I have to spend so much time writing comments to other blogs.

    Actually, it’s because I have to feel passionate about something to blog about it. Works the same way as writing books. If it ain’t intriguing, exciting, or annoying, it ain’t worth mentioning.

    1. I'm not certain whether you're returning to the sushi issue because you love it so much YOU couldn't live without it, or you hate it so much you can't imagine anyone else loving it. Obviously if it's the latter, you must have at least tried it, or your opinion is invalidated by a court of your peers.

      i don't LIKE to fly. That doesn't mean I don't do it. I do. I value my safety less than my convenience (in some cases).

      I like the cold. I like skiing and sledding and all the stuff that comes with it. I'm not saying I want it 24/7/52. . . but i'm not afraid of it.

      I didn't mean to imply that your lack of blog post frequency was a criticism. You write to blog, but you don't blog to write. As far as being passionate about the blog posts. . . I can't honestly say I'm passionate about all of the posts I write. Some are just informational, some are "for the record", some are because I think they're amusing.

    2. Latter. And I have tried it, but was totally unimpressed. I would be willing to try again, just as I've returned to bottom-feeder lobster time and time again with similar distaste. Just not a fish person, I'm afraid.

      I was just kidding about all the rest. Too much caffeine the other day. I seriously doubt many people are afraid of the cold, just detest it as I do some days. Fiji would be wonderful. I fell in love with Turks and Caicos a few years ago. If I could pull up roots, I'd go there.

      I don't think I will ever post more frequently than once every two weeks. Some of it has to do with attention to detail--I do too much of that sometimes. I find most of your posts interesting and sometimes hilarious and I will keep RTing since I think others would find them equally engaging.

  7. So many good responses, where do I start?

    An underwater room? Brilliance. The thing about a turret with guns to defend your family seems to be an universally male thing.

    Not being able to make pizza after the apocalypse...good point.

    Priests love liquor, just FYI.

    To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my favorite books. And Holy Grail is a must!

    You did an awesome job!

    1. Thank you!

      Not ALL priests love liquor. . . do they?

  8. i like my beer like i like my women...stout and bitter. if that's familiar to you, jim, we might have more to talk about...

    1. I love me some beer. We've grown distant over the past decade or so, but once it was pretty common for me to be brewing a batch every two weeks. Now I'm lucky if I brew every two years.

      I like my women like I like my beer. . . huge racks and brunette, wait. . . horrible analogy. . .

  9. I have many things to say. (I KNOW. TOTAL SHOCKER.)

    1. That is the best bar graph in the history of bar graphs, ever.

    2. You really deleted your Facebook? I think I would die. Yes, I think I'm the only person in the world who still likes Facebook. Yes, I realize that makes me a weirdo.

    3. AW NICE THINGS ABOUT ME! Thanks, Jim! I will say nice things about you when I totally rock answering all these questions. Probably Saturday. Because tomorrow I'm blogging about brain parasites. Don't ask. Or do, that's fine. All your brain parasite questions will be answered tomorrow.

    4. DO people think you seem like a dumbass? Because I think you seem incredibly intelligent. That degree doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

    I guess I only had four replies. It's like midnight. I'm sleepy. I'm off my game. Sorry.

    1. This isn't actually NEARLY as many things as I might have expected you to say. I mean, I could expect four sidebars from ONE answer, let alone 33 or whatever it ended up being. . .

      Thank you, I worked hard on that graph.

      I did. I didn't like it. It wasn't working for me.

      I have brain parasite stories!

      I don't know. . . I'm self deprecating because I think everyone needs a whipping boy from time to time, and I can hack it. . . most of the time.

  10. In answer to your question: no, Barcode is not related to my fiction. It's an e-book written by Kashif Ross, who hired me as his editor.

    To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my all-time favorites as well. I can't ever pick just one favorite anything, but I like to ask to see what people say. :)

    1. I saw Kashif was in your original tweet, so I followed him. Hopefully he won't be sad I've never read his book.

  11. Holy crap, you weren't kidding, this is long.

    And now I want pizza. Thanks. Actually, wait, we're having pizza for dinner. The chef boyardee kind. Which sounds weird but is really quite delicious.

  12. Leave it to you to mess up a simple yes or no question. The answer to Jacqui's #5 is yes. Yes, Jim, I AM one of the most beautiful women on twitter, so of course you must think so.

    1. thank you for straightening me out.

  13. I really like Robert Penn Warren, so I was thrilled to see that on your list.

    And I only knew your safer blog until right now, so I'm thrilled to find the *good stuff*.

    I've read a lot about making cheese, and at some point I'll actually do something about it. If you can make it to Germany after the apocalypse, I'll have some cheese for you.

    1. i hope it's the kind with the little salt crystals in it.